The Grandfather Dialogues: Three

Grandson: What are you, Democrat or Republican?

Grandpa: I’m a Yellow Dog Democrat, and proud of it.

Grandson: But didn’t you join the army, Gramps?

Grandpa: Yeah, but I think that you may be misunderstanding what Yellow means. There are two kinds of Democrats, a Yellow Dog Democrat and a Blue Dog Democrat. Yellow means that I rarely agree with a Republican position. Blue Dog Democrats more often than not agree with the Republican point of view, so much so that in my opinion they are little more than Republican moles, masquerading as Democrats. Do you understand the difference?

Grandson: I get it now, but my teacher said that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican.

Grandpa: Yes he was, but in Lincoln’s day, the Republican Party was genuinely the party of the people. They were both logical and humane. Today’s Republicans are mostly downright mean racists and sexist hypocrites, by design.

Grandson: You got an example?

Grandpa: Sure. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that most Americans want Republicans and Democrats alike to take a tough position against terrorism and terrorists. Right?

Grandson: Yeah.

Grandpa: The majority of Americans like to think that it is Republicans who are the toughest on terrorists. Am I right?

Grandson: Yeah.

Grandpa: In American politics you have to look below the surface of any stated position a Republican takes, because there is usually a secondary motive behind it.

Grandson: Gramps, I got to be honest with you. What you just said is not much of an example. In fact, to me, it sounds more like you just don’t like Republicans.

Grandpa: Okay, there is some truth to that, but I can and will give you a better example.

Grandson: Bring it on.

Grandpa: Republicans preach a lot, but rarely practice what they preach. For instance, if a person from another country becomes a US citizen, but is suspected of being a terrorist, that person is placed on the FBIs terrorist watch list. Consequently, he or she cannot board a plane bound for, or in, America. I think that is a good idea. What about you?

Grandson: Me too.

Grandpa: Okay, tell me if you think this is a good idea. Despite being on the FBIs terrorist watch list, that same person can legally purchase an AK- 47 assault rifle, with a thirty round clip.

Grandson: Gramps, you’re kidding me?

Grandpa: No son, I’m dead serious.

Grandson: So how do you know this is true?

Grandpa: Have you ever heard of a Senator Graham?

Grandson: You mean Senator Lindsey Graham, of one of the Carolinas?

Grandpa: Yeah, South Carolina. He recently stood up in vigorous opposition to a very logical bill that would have made it illegal for anyone who is on the FBIs terrorist watch list to purchase an assault weapon, or explosives. So while he logically doesn’t want such a person on a plane – for obvious reasons – he illogically seems to think it’s okay for such a person to purchase assault weapons and various explosives.

Grandson: Wow! That’s kind of dumb.

Grandpa: When the bill was tabled for approval, during a hearing that was attended by members of the Senate Homeland Security Committee, Senator Graham strongly objected and said, ‘I think you’re going too far here.’

Grandson: You know, I’ll bet that the National Rifle Association wrote him a big fat check for that objection.

Grandpa: You’re probably right. Republicans are quick to use the right to bear arms, as is set forth in the US Constitution, to back up any absurd notion that they can come up with. It is as if they don’t realize that the Constitution was drafted by men who wouldn’t allow the women in their families to vote. We are talking about men who owned slaves; forty, fifty and sixty year old men who thought it was okay to marry child-brides. All of that kind of crap was legal when the US Constitution was written. Republicans do not accept the fact that times have changed, unless a situation can be used to their selfish advantage.

Grandson: Now I understand why you call 'em sexist, racist hypocrites! Can I ask you a couple of personal questions, Gramps?

Grandpa: Okay, sure.

Grandson: How long did you stay in prison?

Grandpa: Thirty-two years.

Grandson: Can you buy an AK-47 legally?

Grandpa: Of course not. The only right I have to protect my home is in my right and left arms when I pick up that baseball bat that I keep under the bed.

Grandson: Gramps, a foreigner who is on the FBIs terrorist watch list (but who also has US citizenship) has more rights than you do!

Grandpa: Hey, is that you paying attention to what old Gramps is saying?